The Heroes

If you’ve ever provided booze for a party that just ran dry, you know what it feels like to be a hero. My school has a block party every year to welcome the first years and start off the party season. A whole street of houses and apartments join in and throw their own party, open to the whole school. There are bands, kegs everywhere, and so many people walking through the street that cop cars get stuck and have to honk and yell their way through the crowds. I was hanging out at a house on the end of this street during the block party, when the keg suddenly runs dry… tragedy. My friend and I decide to go look for a drink up the street at a triple keg party with a band. When we arrive, the line for the keg is basically a huge mass of people shoving their way towards the center of the front yard, where the three kegs are at. It will probably take 20 minutes just to get one drink, full of mostly foam.
“Dude this sucks,” I say, staring at the bottom of my empty cup.
“We should just steal one,” says my friend.
“Right, haha” I laugh, thinking how unlikely, and yet how epic that would be.
“Dude… we should just steal one,” my friend repeats. I laugh again. My friend is just being drunk. However, he continues to stare at me with a completely serious look on his face.
“Let’s do it,” I say. What are the chances that somebody in this line owns the house here? So we shove our way towards the center, with cries of “We need to move one of these kegs.” The crowd parts a bit, and we grab the closest one that is not tapped. It’s empty, shit, we look stupid. We calmly grab the one next to it, and it’s full, phew. Trying to act like we own the place, we move it out of the crowd into the slightly less crowded part of the front yard. There were two more house parties, and an apartment block between us and our house. The apartments would force us to walk a small way out into the street. Shit. We begin lifting the keg through the front yards of the two house parties when a strange phenomenon occurs. First years begin to follow and make a crowd around us saying “dude we’ll help you move this if you give us a drink.” With the added lifters and a small crowd to block us from view, we’re in business. We cruise through the house parties and down a small hill into the apartment parking lot. When we are forced to walk into the street where there are hundreds of people and several cops walking around, my friend says…
“Keep moving, I’ve got an idea.” One of the first years grabs his keg handle, and he runs off into the street. He proceeds to tear off his shirt and scream “Hey everyone, look at me!” Sometimes genius comes in a strange package. The distraction works, and we round the last corner. Our small crowd finally arrives at our party, just as people began to leave in search of other booze. We are officially heroes. The party cheers us on, and a round of keg stands begins in order to celebrate. In true drunk fashion, I top the night off by keg standing too long, and I spit several ounces of booze all over a pretty girl that was helping to hold me up. Ah well, cheers!